Things Are Looking Up

By Peter J. Dorsen, M.D., LADC

It is so important to take what comes your way as not necessarily bad. In my last post, I confessed I was in the poverty corner.  I told how much I appreciated my sponsor even if he was pessimistic that sometimes in recovery and working back up, we take some hits.

I suggest keeping as active as possible and--if you are about to retire--make some plans.  Retirement and too much time on your hands can be a set up for depression or just saying, "What the hell, I'm not under any stress any longer, so I'll just start dropping my dosage.

Bad move. Maybe less or no stress but our brains still just aren't wired like most of those other critters out on those mean streets.  Let me reiterate by reemphasizing that any life stress can kick off cycling either starting as depression or as hypomania/mania.

Make up a safety plan as I have attempted to do. I can never figure why anyone would just be counting the days until retirement. Another fantasy for many is imagining never ending tee off time will be like heaven.  Unless you play like a pro, forget it. I am told that golf is not for those with weak egos or low self-esteem.  Retirement is of itself often the surrender of all those hats and cloaks of fame and position that made us who we were.  My mother, a retired physician bemoaned how, in her retirement years  she became a nobody

So this is to emphasize that we must be forever on the vigil so that we do not slip back into a dangerous predisposition for feeling worthless hence depressed, angry, stop our meds and then swirl into a vortex of our illness that may be most unsettling or debilitating.

I have to confess, I am having considerable trouble retiring and a significant cause of that is..I need the money.  My bank account continually reminds me that I am not a nonprofit company. I exercise every day (sometimes too much--and risk moodiness).  Eating frequently and avoiding simple sugars, and I avoid self-medicating (pot, alcohol, too much coffee).

Just as addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer, we all have both genetic and environmental (multifactorial) reasons to know we have propensity to relapse anytime. So too, we have also a genetically and environmental reason we can slip and slide back into dysfunctional patterns especially as we age and in fact have new stressors of aging and loss.

I still want very much to get  Kay Redfield Jamison's secret. Is she like the rest of us with bipolar 1 or 2? She must always assess the state of her illness. She deserves her privacy as much as any of us. I try to not take personally that I sent her my book, Crazy Doctor, but, alas, no response. I suspect though that all of us deserve a little mystery but that should probably exclude our loved ones.  Many of them we have hurt by using illicit(pot, meth etc) or licit Vicodin, Oxycontin) drugs.   Others of us have abused our relationships with explosive anger, inconsistent behavior (cycling), infidelity, excessive spending, or failure.

I remember my bottom and don't intend to go there again.

"I'm Peter and I will always have co-occurring illnesses."

Until next time,

Peter J. Dorsen, M.D., LADC