Things Are Looking Up

By Peter J. Dorsen, M.D., LADC

It is so important to take what comes your way as not necessarily bad. In my last post, I confessed I was in the poverty corner.  I told how much I appreciated my sponsor even if he was pessimistic that sometimes in recovery and working back up, we take some hits.

I suggest keeping as active as possible and--if you are about to retire--make some plans.  Retirement and too much time on your hands can be a set up for depression or just saying, "What the hell, I'm not under any stress any longer, so I'll just start dropping my dosage.

Bad move. Maybe less or no stress but our brains still just aren't wired like most of those other critters out on those mean streets.  Let me reiterate by reemphasizing that any life stress can kick off cycling either starting as depression or as hypomania/mania.

Make up a safety plan as I have attempted to do. I can never figure why anyone would just be counting the days until retirement. Another fantasy for many is imagining never ending tee off time will be like heaven.  Unless you play like a pro, forget it. I am told that golf is not for those with weak egos or low self-esteem.  Retirement is of itself often the surrender of all those hats and cloaks of fame and position that made us who we were.  My mother, a retired physician bemoaned how, in her retirement years  she became a nobody

So this is to emphasize that we must be forever on the vigil so that we do not slip back into a dangerous predisposition for feeling worthless hence depressed, angry, stop our meds and then swirl into a vortex of our illness that may be most unsettling or debilitating.

I have to confess, I am having considerable trouble retiring and a significant cause of that is..I need the money.  My bank account continually reminds me that I am not a nonprofit company. I exercise every day (sometimes too much--and risk moodiness).  Eating frequently and avoiding simple sugars, and I avoid self-medicating (pot, alcohol, too much coffee).

Just as addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer, we all have both genetic and environmental (multifactorial) reasons to know we have propensity to relapse anytime. So too, we have also a genetically and environmental reason we can slip and slide back into dysfunctional patterns especially as we age and in fact have new stressors of aging and loss.

I still want very much to get  Kay Redfield Jamison's secret. Is she like the rest of us with bipolar 1 or 2? She must always assess the state of her illness. She deserves her privacy as much as any of us. I try to not take personally that I sent her my book, Crazy Doctor, but, alas, no response. I suspect though that all of us deserve a little mystery but that should probably exclude our loved ones.  Many of them we have hurt by using illicit(pot, meth etc) or licit Vicodin, Oxycontin) drugs.   Others of us have abused our relationships with explosive anger, inconsistent behavior (cycling), infidelity, excessive spending, or failure.

I remember my bottom and don't intend to go there again.

"I'm Peter and I will always have co-occurring illnesses."

Until next time,

Peter J. Dorsen, M.D., LADC

Life With Bipolar Is Possible and Can Be Fun With Proper Treatment

Peter J. Dorsen, M.D., LADC

Hey, Everyone. As Aaaanold says, "I'm back." AS long as I'm not sounding like Clint, I'm gonna be OK.

I apologize that so much time has elapsed since my last blog. One learns to live with success and failure. As that goes, I am about to hear that my license to practice alcohol and drug counseling (LADC) no longer has Rules and Stipulations. Most of what all that was about was The Board watching me for 5 years and confirming I was stable with my bipolar disorder.

Frankly, no one but myself was ever worked up about co-occurring illness, in my case something just as simple as throwing my illness haywire with mood altering substances.

Whew! This a good thing and things just seem to be fitting into place. I am able to deal with pressures that include instances like that with the Board that I find humiliating.My sponsor, John B, tells me he was never poorer than when he entered recovery. Boy, that's great to hear.  Does that men that I have to take a vow of poverty. No. It tells me and indirectly you who will read my blog that moving forward with a stable bipolar life can still have some bumps.  My point in writing is that proper medication and sobriety, as in my case, can--as I explained some time back-- mean a level playing field.
I attribute an improved life as one in which I am constantly doing personal checks and sometimes asking my therapist or psychiatrist if they are comfortable with where I am, my moods, my behavior as they observe it.

I try as best I can to be honest. I have had to report that Trileptal made me dizzy. Heck, I kept on flying off the track last year at cross country ski races. We moved on to lamotrigine but I must confess after I went the wrong way on a course I knew I had to convince my prescriber I was on too much.  Hell, I'm 69 next month (which is very hard to believe), if my coronaries clogged 7 years ago, it doesn't come as a surprise that some of my brain blood vessels have also narrowed some.

My point: Stand up to your provider and don't just stop your meds but challenge, ask questions, and refuse until you get what you deserve.  There are actually psychiatrists I believe fear the mental illnesses that they claim to be qualified to treat. Find a new shrink or therapist who you may feel does not respect you. Hey team, we bipolars are the ones who besides being dysfunctional also are the most creative, the most driven.

I'm welcoming myself back and encourage all of you who gravitate to our blog to tell us what you think about living with a treatable condition.  We're right up there as the most likely to quit taking our meds.  I know, I need them and that my life has taken a beautiful direction with caring professional who listen, are not on the defensive, who do not fear their own mental heath issues that we mirror.

No one said this would be easy. There are plenty of those who have known us who would judge.  That is why impartial opinion and professional expertise mean so much.

Tell us your journey.  We are here to listen and respond. Blessings,

Peter J. Dorsen, M.D., LADC